The Glen Price Rants

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2009 Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in Martinsburg, West Virginia

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:54:00 +0000

For those of you who've ever been a part of something truly magical at Christmastime, take a look here. I can honestly say that Tara and I will remember this for a long, long, long time... and can't wait for our lil' rugrat to become a part of this tradition.

Also, here's a cool little video of us going through Downtown Martinsburg, while getting Biscuit warmed up for Santa and Mrs. Claus's arrival:

Special thanks to Brad at inthepanhandle.com for shooting these videos and helping us out.

The DC Metro These Days

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:38:00 +0000

So, the other day, a friend of mine Twitters:

#mseekfor: To the inconsiderate people on metro this morning: you truly suck.

So, of course, I start paying attention... and dammit, she's friggin right!!!

We've all seen the annoying-as-hell "passive aggressive" idiots that spring up. They're the ones that say "excuse me, sorry..." as they push and wedge your ass out of the way. (On a side note, you'll notice that they're usually under 5' 3" tall, and are using the 'gotta get low to play fullback' theory to their advantage).

But, back to my rant...

Nowadays, especially with the Red line being a modern-day cluster-eff, people just don't have the patience anymore. With times of 15-18 minutes in between Red line cars, you can't blame people for wanting to jam themselves in. They've got MARC and VRE trains to catch out of Union.

So, here's what I'm saying... let's add a few friggin trains to the Red line, WMATA, that way I don't have to bitchslap some midget trying to throw a chopblock on me (that's when you take someone out at the knees) trying to hop a train.

More Trains = Patient People

Much like red signs and lights = traffic ... but that's a whole 'nother rant.

Good God, It's Humid

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:15:00 +0000

WOW, I know it's only 75 degrees (or so) outside, but I just can't believe how friggin' humid it is. I'm constantly wiping and squeegeeing (yes, that's a word, our office "Hoya Boy" just looked it up).

Here I am, in my mid-30's, and all of a sudden I'm sounding like an old man. I have to walk only about 4-5 blocks to the GSA Building from the metro. However, by the time I get there, I'm totally soaked with sweat. Oh yeah, I'm sweatin' like a beach full of albinos. For you all doing the math, that's reciprocates, because at the end of the day, I have to head back to the metro. Worse even, because I'm walking up-hill. Yes, it's cardio. Yes, I know exercise is good for me.

But, back to my point. I remember bitching and griping when it hits 95 degrees outside. Heck I've always done that (even when i was in high school). But, I'm realizing it's not the heat that makes it miserable... it's the damn humidity. And, when you're walking in between the buildings of the Washington D.C. streets, there's no breeze either.

So, you're just miserable... and sweating your butt off doing it. You wonder why city-folks are miserable in the city... that's why. They're miserably hot!!!

What's really bugging me, though, is that I'm becoming one of those people who says "it's not the heat, it's the humidity".

So, here are my questions:

If the temp is 80, and heat index is 95... then why not just say IT'S 95!!!
What is the difference between "heat index" and "wind chill"?
When do the weatherpeople make that changeover? They NEVER talk about both, do they?
Why do old people head to florida (aka, God's Waiting Room), when it's so friggin hot and humid?
Why not head north, at least there's a fireplace during the winters?
Is it the asphalt that makes it so hot in the city?

My Own Personal Assistant

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Mon, 04 May 2009 15:35:00 +0000

As Branson and I were driving back from the Richmond NASCAR races, we got to talking about the "powerball special" (btw, that's your to-do list when you hit Powerball). We got back to the whole idea of how I'd love to have a Personal Assistant for one year.

Now, I'm not saying that my PA has to do all of these him/herself. I just want someone to arrange it for me. I don't expect to come outside and see him/her with a washrag In their hand - I'm not looking for slavedom. I just want to pay someone 30-40k/year to just remove the stress from my everyday "maintenance". When you have the "powerball special" sitting in your bank/ira/retirement/cd account, you can pay someone else to:

pay my bills on time
make sure there's food stocked In the fridge/pantry for when I want to cook
make sure my harley's clean and gsssed up when I ride
make sure our cars/trucks are clean and gassed up when we drive
make sure the john deere is cleaned up, blades sharpened, and gassed up
make sure the 4-wheeler is cleaned and gassed up
make travel arrangements via hotwire, etc.
have google map directions waiting for when we roadtrip
arrange for Nascar tickets from scalpers for when we arrive trackside
arrange for the parking for my "new" camper and rig
arrange for Biscuit and Ginny (and their harnesses/wagon) to be clean for parade day

... and these are just the ones off the top of my head. there are LOTS of everyday stressful things that I'd love to just take off my plate, so I can focus on the normal everyday things I'd love to do.

At this point in the game, I'd probably like to go into basic farming. If money was no issue, then, yeah, I'd love to just suit up the horses on weekends and take a wagonfull of corn, potatoes, 'maters, lettuce, into town to sell - right off the back of a horse-drawn wagon.

How COOL would that be? I mean, why not??? How nice would it be to actually have a lifestyle that's ACTUALLY fun and stressfree?

A Successful Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:32:00 +0000

Well, we made it back home after a long, looooooong, exhausting weekend which consisted of:

a bonfire-sized luncheon with Tara's friend, Sharon
a Hagerstown Suns ballgame, which gave Tara a great peanut story
3hr harley trip (ending with a flat tire)
2hr fix-it session repairing my horse trailer
3hr road trip to drop off the horses in Kutztown, Pennsylvania
2hr trip to visit dad, accessorize his Ultra, and watch the Nascar race at Phoenix
2hr shopping trip to Best Buy and Kohl's
2hr visit to mom's for a "steamed shrimp 'n salad" lunch
2hr long long, rainy ride home

All-in-all, we got home safe. Call it a success.

Now... when exactly do we get to relax?

Feeling rough today

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:55:00 +0000

Oof... was a long long weekend. We did manage to accomplish 5 things, though.

Picked out rings. After a visit to Christian Caine, we managed to pick out a set of rings. They're simple, clean, and perfect for us. Along the way, we even got a little education in modern "pearl-dom". Do YOU know what a pearl coin is?

Finished cutting the grass. With the horse trailer being the way it is, it was a pain to get the ol' John Deere out of it. But, we did manage to finish by Saturday afternoon.

Went for a harley ride. Took a nice, breezy relaxing ride up to Hagerstown on Saturday. Put in a lil' country music (Keith Urban), a lil' sun on my back, and an hour to just hear the rumble of the rush pipes.

Fixed the horse trailer. After tearing off the handle, my neighbors helped me grind off the old lifting unit and attach a whole new one on it. Say it with me "Sparks were a flyin' out there!" Put that into the man's manual: anything with a power hand-held grinder, which spins at crazy RPM's, and creates a shower of sparks is defintely, definitely a top 10 on the testosterone chart.

Moved the big stuff. Tara had a big armoire, a 7' tall bookcase (apparently made of lead), and a kitchen island (used as a desk) to move to the house. We did it in one load, and managed to shred her and I physically, along with stunting a highschooler's growth at the same time. But that second part is okay, the kid is 6'6" and is only a friggin sophomore. His time to stop growing taller is NOW.

Sorry about the lack of a rant today, but trust me... I am currently stirring one. I just need to work some of the minor details out before putting it in writing.

My Favorite Wines

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:20:00 +0000

Okay, onto a lighter subject.

We had some friends over Saturday night, and apparently they have the same philosophy when it comes to wines. We can tell the difference between a $1 and a $6 bottle of wine. But, we can't tell the difference between a $10 and a $50 bottle. Self admittedly, we're no wine connoseur... connah... experts.

However, we do know what we like. Each of the following is cheap, but taste pretty dang good. Plus, they're not "hidden" gems you have to order from some remote town in northeast Massachusetts. You can find these at everyday spots like your local liquor shop, Wal-Mart, and Costco.

So, here's my current top-5 countdown (and I reserve the right to change it at any time).

#5 - Coppola Cabernet Sauvignon ($10 - 750ml at Costco). Just had this on Saturday for the first time, and it's about as good of a table wine as you're going to find. It's drier than my other favorites, so don't expect a big "happy ending" with this. When it's off your tongue, the taste is gone.

#4 - Clean Slate Reisling ($12 - local liquor store). I'm not too big on white wines, but Tara introduced me to it, and it's pretty dang good. Smooth and doesn't taste like the bark off an oak tree. We had it with seafood alfredo a while back, and it really did hit the spot perfectly.

#3 - Beringer Stone Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon ($11 - 1.5l at Wal-Mart). Best with steak or beef. It's hearty, it's rich, and it's basically a meal unto itself.

#2 - Franzia White Zinfadel ($12 - 5l at Wal-Mart). Smooth everyday chilled wine. We keep this bag-on-a-box on tap in the fridge every day. It's light, sweet, and is perfect for a half-glass after a long day.

#1 - Los Vascos Cabernet Sauvignon ($7 - 750ml at Costco). It's a good, spicy Chilean wine. It's got a great rich, flavor and is definitely not for the dry wine lovers.

Oh, You Crazy Quiverfulls

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:37:00 +0000

So, we're listening to NPR this morning, and they do a segment on the "Quiverfull Movement" (read or listen). Within the 5 minute walk from my truck to the train, I'm fired up and spittin' nickels.

So, what exactly is a Quiverfull Movement?
In a nutshell, it's an Evangelical Christian "culture" based on a biblical passage (Psalm 127) that justifies having enough children to field a Division III football team.

Just so we're clear, here's what the New King James Version states:

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

... and here comes all of my questions, along with my parting rant.

Why does every biblical passage have to be ambiguous? You can reread that sucker 5x and pull any kind of meaning out you want. Maybe it's implying that people who suffer from depression really don't have enough bullets in their gun cabinet!

Why do these couples need a justification from God just to have sex? You're married now! Go forth and prosper! You don't need God's "thumbs-up" to go knock it out every night!

What happens when one is gay? Statistically, 10% of the population is gay. God put that "sinner" here, right? Let the hypocrisy begin...

Why is it that only the man who gets to be happy? Oh, yeah, that's right... we all know how high on the totem pole women rank in these cultures.

What in the heck does that last sentence mean? Don't be ashamed of having kids, because you'll have to talk to your enemies. What happened to the arrows? Now you're NOT gonna use the arrows??? You just paid for all these friggin arrows laying around? WTF??!!!!

Of all the references you could've used, you break out the ammunition reference? So much for a peaceful God. They didn't have springtime flowers back then? Y'all didn't have any rabbits back then? "Ye shall go forth and procreate like fuzzy bunnies and clueless sheep."

Who pays for all of the therapists and medications when the kids start growing up with REAL emotional problems?

What does a couple do if the stars don't align for them to have kids? Is that still God's Will, or just crap luck? They never answer that now do they? Let me see them come out on NPR and say that "Barren women are condemned".

And my last hammer question: Couldn't a pedophile justify and defend himself by quoting this exact same passage? I know, I know, it's wicked... but reread it, and you can see someone actually saying it to a judge.

Now, in their defense (because I DO TRY to see all sides of an issue)...

They take care of themselves. (I don't see them recruiting every relative and neighbor to help them with their rabbit-like childbirths)

They farm. (We need more of that)

No government subsidies. (I guess they'll cash in on that when these minions start attending college. Why waste the small money on cribs and carriages, when you can hit the big 5-digit handouts?)

So, here's my take on all of this.

I think having kids are great. Really, I'm one myself at heart (ask Tara, she'll "testify"). I just don't think they should be the product of a lifelong mission.

Basically, I see kids as being a byproduct of two adults who love each other. If they come along, great. If not, no biggie... go buy a dog.

Time and time again, we see couples who MUST, MUST have kids. It's their life-mission, and the only reason they have to be together.

Talk about marital pressure. Add God to that equation, and you have one heluva lot of pressure on a couple. And that's not including jobs, bills, house payments, car payments, groceries, heating bills, diapers, ... you get the point.

Just so you see what us "normal" people are up against, here's a quote from a woman in that same article:

"If everyone starts having eight children or 12 children, imagine in three generations what we'll be able to do... We'll be able to take over both halls of Congress, we'll be able to reclaim sinful cities like San Francisco for the faithful, and we'll be able to wage very effective massive boycotts against companies that are going against God's will."

- Kathryn Joyce

... Wow. How did I not see that coming?

I wonder if she realizes that's how we ended up here from Great Britain in the first place. Is it possible she was too consumed by reading her version of the Bible, when maybe she should've been reading a history book?

Maybe she's just twisting that passage to suit her own needs? Maybe she's just another idiot vying for the spotlight, because mommy and daddy didn't pay her enough attention. (You can do the math on that).

My Take on the 10%-ers

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:04:00 +0000

I've decided to revisit an old rant of mine. Friends and family have heard it many, many, many times. However, it was resurrected this morning with some coworkers.

Here's my take...

10% of the population screw it up for the other 90%.

I think it'd be a LOT easier if we realize that simple fact. It's the ol' "squeaky wheel gets the grease" proverb. The problem is, we spend so much time and energy trying to overcompensate for the 10% of dumbasses out there. You can parlay this into a ton of situations (more on that later).

"Glen, what the hell are you talking about?"

Here's my example. I live in West Virginia. I'm located in the eastern panhandle, about 70 miles west of DC. But don't get me wrong, IT IS West Virginia.

When you think of West-by-God-Virginia, you should think of West Virginia as majestic mountains, the beloved Gold-and-Blue Mountaineers, and the Saudi Arabia of Coal.

But let's face it, you don't.

You think of West Virginia as Dueling Banjos (ala 1972's Deliverance), cars on concrete blocks, missing teeth, confederate flags, and the mecca of single-wide trailers.

And, here lies the problem.

There might be 10% of the WV population that actually lives that way. Oh, they're out there, that's for damn sure. The fact is that there are trailer-park-boys in every state out there (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about either... because you do). There is another 90% of the population out there that is not EVEN CLOSE to that stereotype.

West Virginians tend to be rugged, salt-of-the earth folks who just basically want to be ignored by the 'city-folk'. We drive pickup trucks, have small farms, surf the web, watch football on the weekends, and have a beer when it's hot outside. Now that is a crazy, redneck lifestyle, isn't it?

But, the whole WV culture thing I can handle. It comes with the territory and has been around for generations. Here's a few other examples:

90% of black folks get up, work an exhausting 9-5 job, go home to dinner with family, go to bed early just to get the energy to do it all over again. The 10% on COPS is an almost comedic stereotype.

90% of religious folks aren't actual "bible beaters". They believe that God has a lifelong plan for everyone, they say grace before meals, and thank God to live another day. It's the 10% that knock on your door, lecture, and bully their beliefs into everyday politics.

90% of gay folks don't wear leather ass-less chaps down mainstreet yelling "We're here, We're queer!" Those "flamers" in San Fran really irk the shit out of me, because they really do ruin it for other 90% who just want to be left the hell alone. Imagine having to hide a major part of your lifestyle because some idiot 3,000 miles away gets a 45 second clip on national TV news.

90% of Harley riders don't ride with straight pipes, smoke cigars while riding, and give old ladies the finger. Most of the people I meet at rallies are yuppies who understand why a dog hangs his head out a car window.

So, here's my point. At the end of the day, it's the idea that we actually LET the 10% become the spokesperson for the other 90%.

Here's ideally, what I'd love to see... a news clip on the west-coast gay pride parade, then cut to the east-coast version with a banker-type guy saying "That dude is a friggin idiot!"

Why? Because the 10% truly are.

And did i hear you say...

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 03:46:00 +0000

I hear you say the truth must take a beating
The flag a camouflage for your deceiving
I know, yes I know
It's written on your soul
I know, we all make mistakes

This is not a case of blurred vision
It's a case of black holes, pocket holes, soul holes

And did I hear you say
My country right or wrong

-Midnight Oil, My Country

5 Ways to Know you're watching a friggin' "indie" film

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:53:00 +0000

Here's 5 ways to know if you're trapped watching an Indie Film:

Handwritten Title - not always there, but it's a tipoff right from the get-go.

Acoustic Guitar Song - somewhere along the way, there's a song in there where it's one dude humming or singin' along to a solo acoustic guitar

Public Transportation Scene - the main character HAS to have a contemplative scene where he/she is standing alone on a metro platform, waiting for a bus, watching a train go by, etc.

Subtle Gay Reference - They might be friends of the main character, or in the background of a trainride scene. It's discrete, but it's ALWAYS there... ALWAYS.

Ambiguous Ending - NO indie flick ever ends "normally". It's always a quick scene that just sort of fades and then... rolls the credits. I guess it's meant to leave you sitting there going "WTF?". And, yes, Sopranos does come to mind.

Don't laugh, but you'll remember these next time you're watching a Wes Anderson film, or something that was "featured at sundance."

Riding the MARC Train

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:43:00 +0000

Recently, the idiots at MARC Train "service" have raised our rates from $250/month to $330/month. That's a 34% increase, for those doing the math... overnight. And we're Pissed. "Pissed I Say!" [insert Senator Byrd tone here, waving a finger in the air]

It all started back in December, when some idiot decided to stop the 3rd train out of Union Station (that's Downtown DC for you outta-towners) heading to Martinsburg, West-by-God-Virginia. So, some of us riders said "This is BS, we can only catch that one to get home".

And, we did what most of the public would do, and sent in the government troops (the local reps, that is). They come out with a huge, happy announcement! They're keeping the last train... Hooray, we'll have a day of honor! It'll ONLY cost each west virginia rider $2 per ticket each way! Wa Hooooo!

However... no one did the friggin math! That's a JACK of $80 per month! They raised our rates 34% ... and they're setting off fireworks!

Did i mention that we're pissed???

And, here's where it gets good. MARC train beancounters start throwing out numbers to justify the raise in rates. oh, i guess they must've tossed the 3rd-train-elimination option now that they've got an influx of cash from the wealthy west virginians.

So, we get on the local officials and reps again... Here's a quote from an actual email from one of them (yes, I've still got the email):

"Unfortunately, Governor Manchin is adamantly opposed to subsidizing West Virginians who go to work at jobs located out of state. I think that's stupid, but that's what we're dealing with."
- State Senator's name withheld

Finally, we get to the bottom of it. Took me 3 months to Matlock this mystery... but I've got it.

And the winner is... Governor Manchin! Step on up! You're the one who's stonewalling this whole thing?! You're the one to blame for us being bent over and jacked by the state of Maryland?! Wow, and to think that us eastern panhandlers bring in THAT MUCH INCOME for the rest of the state to live off of. We make money, we bring it home, and we spend it here. And, as a friend so eloquently put it "... and we vote."

Here's your warning Manchin. Your time is here and now. It's time to step up and represent who put you into office in the first place. It's time to get to work and actually DO SOMETHING. I know it's a novel idea, but you've gotta earn the checks you and the misses are cashing. These same people that you're bending over will have no problem going shopping during election season.

... Which reminds me. Where's Bob Wise when you need him? I still remember eating breakfast with him before a WVU game up at the Ramada... and then seeing him on the newspaper the very next day hanging from a helicopter, and handing groceries to flood victims.

It's as if he remembered who put him into office... go figure. What a novel idea.

My Vote Can Be Bought

noreply@blogger.com (Glen Price) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:16:00 +0000

Over the past 3 years, I am bugged by the amount of political ads that attacked the opponent. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge boxing fan, and I truly love a good Rosie-versus-The-Donald kind of fight. What bugs me so damn much is when they twist the wording of major issues. For example, "Joe Smith is against education, he voted against teachers 5 times over the past year".

The problem here is that NO ONE is against education. There's got to be a reason WHY the dude voted against education. Maybe the friggin' bill was filled with pork spending. Maybe it gave an extra million for the development of a golf club so that the JV Golf team would have a place to spend their weekends. Maybe there was a stipulation to give the Principal a new BMW and a $3k/month housing stipend in this "education" bill. But... noooooo. If you are against the principal getting a new beamer and a new hillside mansion, then you MUST be against education. Right?

Now, at the same time, here's another trend that I've seen. A councilman/representative/senator sits on an appropriations committee. Somehow, some contractor is awarded a big contract (and I mean a BIG CONTRACT). Let's say, for example, that Joe's Construction gets awarded $30 million for a highway improvement program. Now, that's not what bugs me (those companies are not "non-profits"... if they stroked me a check, trust me... I'd cash it.).

What BUGS me is when the councilman / representative / senator "retires" and then shows up 2 weeks later as a Joe's Construction Board Member or VP. It STRANGELY looks like they were awarded a contract just to secure the congressman's wealthy retirement. Now THAT is wrong.

So, here's what I propose... I will run for office one day, and I will make my living while DIRECTLY representing my constituents in my district or state. I will directly represent YOU. How many representatives in government can say that nowadays? I bet you can count 'em on one hand. My entire platform will consist of the "My Vote Can Be Bought" agenda.

Here's how it goes (and you're gonna love this)...

A bill or legislation comes across my desk. Then, there will be a vote on it in, say, a week. I'm going to post this legislation publicly in local newspapers and on my website for EVERYONE to read. You (being my constituents) read it, think about it, and then I want YOU to TELL ME how to vote on it. You are going to tell me by stroking a check to my office saying to vote "YES" or "NO" (in the For _________ part of the check). Before I walk in and cast my vote, me and my staff will add up the ledger and see who won my vote on this legislation. It will be clear. "NO tally is $750, YES tally is $650" I will post the deposits results up on my website, and I will go in and vote accordingly. My vote can be bought.

Let me make a little addendum to this. My vote can be ONLY be bought by the people in my district. All out-of-district checks will be RETURNED UNCASHED. All business checks will be RETURNED UNCASHED. I want to represent my people afterall. It's not fair to them to have a local Rubbermaid or Microsoft paying for my vote. I want my people to have a direct influence on their government.

Now, before you say "What an idiot!" about what you just read ... really REALLY think about it. Why not? How is that so different than what's going on now? How much influence do you have on your own representative? How much direct say do YOU have in your government? I would GIVE you that. I would represent YOU. Not only that, I could justify every single piece of legislation that came across my desk. EVERY SINGLE PIECE. "Hey, Glen, Why did you vote against education?" ... "Um, because the NO votes came in at $750 and the YES votes came in at $650". There wouldn't be any ulterior motives, no hidden agendas, no hidden pork barrel. No second guessing of my motives. You couldn't even slander me in the political ads when I came up for re-election... it'd be all out there in the open publicly. You'd have an open view of my checkbook.

Now, here is the TRUE BEAUTY of my plan....

I am going to build my own retirement in plain sight, and not hide it by becoming a "boardmember" of a major government contractor. With each tally, I am going to keep the winning amount of money (afterall, you did just buy my vote). Now, the LOSING amount... ahhh, that's the beautiful part. Of all the people who contributed (and lost), I am going to have a lottery the day after my legislative vote and give THAT FULL AMOUNT back to one lucky winner. Maybe you didn't get to buy my vote, but you did make an extra $650 that week. It's almost robinhood-esque in a way, if you think about it. Representatives keep ALL of their campaign contributions and donations nowadays. I'm gonna split mine up with my constituents, and even make some of you weathier while doing it.

Now, imagine this... Imagine if a MAJOR bill comes up. Imagine if some sort of war-program spending comes up, or an abortion issue, or healthcare issue. Someone in my district could make a ton of money OVERNIGHT.

I know, I know... it's a lot to think about and consider. But, take your time and chew on this whole idea a bit. Think about it. Weigh the pro's and con's. And, let me know if my platform needs some tweaking. I'm molding it almost daily, and it hasn't been perfected yet... but it's pretty damn close. I'm waiting to hear a real argument against it... but i DO want to hear it. Click Here and let me know... because, as a future politician, I'm listening.