It’s been a few months since I’ve written on here, and that’s not done from neglect.

We’ve both been tied up between Halloween, Open House(s), Christmas, etc. I can honestly say that Emma made it through this ordeal (so far) pretty well. Sure, she gets upset when sitting back and wishing her parents were still together. But, even now, I’m glad she won’t have to experience a lifetime of witnessing her parents argue. She’s strong and intelligent enough to see through the barbs and digs that Tara throws out there. I’m here if she ever wants to talk things out, and I plan on keeping that channel open.

We had a status hearing yesterday, just to see where we are at. On a side note, they schedule 2 “status” hearings to see if the husband/wife have their shit together before the final divorce hearing.

Basically, the judge ordered Tara would have 60 days to move out of the house. By the end of March, she will have her own place and things moved out. Up until this point, she has been boulder-like obstinate, with a “You can’t make me. I didn’t ask for this.” approach for her.

I’m not sure why. Maybe she still sees hope? It’s been about a year now, and maybe dragging this out even longer will have some sort of “Ah-HAH!” moment, I’ll see the error of my ways, come begging for her to take me back, and then we’ll live happily-ever-after in that mansion on the hill.

There are 3 problems with that.

  1. I’ve built up even more resentment and anger since moving out to even consider that.
  2. Forgiveness is beneath her.
  3. We could never trust each other after this ordeal.

But, let’s see how this goes, and whether she’ll actually listen to the judge. She damn well isn’t listening to me and anything I’ve got to say. When we do see each other (when picking up/dropping off Emma), she won’t even look or talk to me. It’s as if she’s totally disgusted by me. She hates me.

Let’s remember… this happened almost a year ago. Not yesterday. Not last week. Not last month. Most couples are looking forward to moving on by now. They want this all wrapped up, because they are looking to start their own futures.

A year ago, I made the toughest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. I didn’t take it lightly, and I didn’t do it spontaneously. I didn’t point fingers, and I took responsibility for it. I even told Emma about 2 weeks before I moved out. I have a lot of friends still asking me “Why?” And right now, I won’t really answer the question. There are several… but… just… not… right… now.

But let’s just see how this all goes over the next 8 weeks. This should be interesting, because this roller-coaster is at the crest of the hill.