I know I’ve been offline here for a while, and for that I’m gonna float a quick apology. I’ve been here the whole time, I promise. Since my last post (almost a year ago), I’ve been trying to let the dust settle, heal myself, heal my daughter, and refocus my attention to jump-starting the business once again.
But, yeah, I’m also in a relationship. I’m dating someone, and it’s become pretty serious. I dare to say that this is probably the most serious one that I’ve been in during my lifetime. Dare I say that there’s even been some bedroom talk about marriage and kids and retirement. (Lemme stop you right there… there are NO plans for any of these right now. Just… pillow talk.)
She gets me.
However, I’m starting to notice that shitty days like this are becoming more and more common. Now, we all have shit days every now and then. Maybe traffic sucked. Maybe the weather is getting us down. Maybe you hate your job. But, they’re (usually) few and far between.
But they’ve become not-so-rare lately, and it’s starting to weigh on me. There’s also a recurring theme along the way too (which I won’t go into, because it’s not the most PC topic, and I sure-as-shit won’t put it down in writing for public viewing). There’s just some history with her that I’m having trouble reconciling. There’s a past that I just can’t find a way to get over.
And no, saying “Get Over It” doesn’t work. Not in this case. I’m just too visual and imaginative of a person, and these visions are heartbreaking, frustrating, upsetting, and nightmarish to me (especially knowing she deliberately chose to be there).
Meanwhile, this whole time, I’ve had a house sitting empty. We’ve basically turned it into a production facility during the cold winter months. I’ve been living with her for about 18 months now, and I think it’s time for me to start the transition to go back “home”.
It’s a beautiful farm, and it really is home to me. I’ve had a TON of great (and not-so-great) memories here. But, there’s a reason I’ve worked sooooooooo hard to keep it. I’d always dreamed of having a farm, and have felt guilty about neglecting this place the way I have.
It just isn’t fair to me, my psyche, or my dreams. And, this isn’t even mentioning that it hasn’t been fair to my daughter. She grew up here, and she didn’t ask for any of this. She’s been an unwilling participant in this entire saga.
… but now, I think it’s time. Call it a gut feeling. Call it that inner voice popping up again. But, it’s there, and it’s speaking louder and louder each day. I’m not so sure that she will want to come along with this – maybe that’s a future rant/update. But, I feel that this last “episode” is a real signal to come back home.
Will I have the balls to do it? Only time will tell.
“Come back home, Glen. It’s time.”